The amalgamation of Apathy
by Lnzy1
Summary: JUX One-shots. Cafei and Evelyn's mis adventuers aboard the Autobot ship, Metellus Cursor. Previously titled "Hygiene high-jinks". Boring situations often yeild the most entertaining results.
1. Hygiene Highjink

_**Hygiene high-jinks**_

_By Lindsay N. Smith (AKA: Lnzy1, Neko, or Transformergirl depending on where I am)_

**Warning**: If you have not read Vaeru's fanfic, Juxtaposition (Seriously, who _hasn't_ read this yet?) or Cafei's JUX fancomics (can be found over at Devianrtart dot com) you will not understand any of this and it will likely result in confusion and irreversible brain damage. You have been warned.

(Diclaimer): I do not own nor claim to own neither the Character Cafei (c) Cafei nor Evelyn (c) Vaeru/Mythical-Darkener. Or Transformers (c) Has/Tak. I am merely borrowing them and will return them when I am through. They may be a little waterlogged when you guys get them back, though. XD

Notes: This is a gift fic for Cafei because school seemed to have rammed her into the ground and I wanted to cheer her up. The basic skeleton of this started off as a scrapped idea for the JUX fanfic contest and I found it the other day on my flash drive and then modified it for this purpose. This fic was inspired by several things: 1) a conversation a friend and I had a long time ago when she offered me a pair of her old jeans. 2) Whiskey flavored sunflower seeds (yum yum). 4) A pool party I went too a few years ago 5) And the general JUX fanbase as a whole. We are a strange bunch, we are. A fanfic of a fan-comic of a fanfic. Kinda makes your head hurt, huh?

I also blame Ajremix for this. Her recent JUX fic gave me a great creative boost. D

Onto the fic!

**Act One**

Evelyn was immersed in her work as she rhythmically dunked, scrubbed, and wringed her extra pair of slacks before repeating the process over and over until she was satisfied that she had sufficiently abused the fabric enough for one day. Her constant struggle to maintain as much of a hygienic living as she could given her abnormal circumstances had resulted in her new found appreciation for domestic technology. The only upside that she could see (_If you can call it that, _she thought.) from having to do her laundry by hand was she now had considerable more muscle in her arms then before.

As she laid her slacks on floor to dry next to her blouse and socks that had yet to be washed, Evelyn glanced over at the darker haired human sitting a few feet away. Cafei's attention was engrossed in a small stack of synthesized paper squares Wheeljack had cut down from the giant sheet for their use. Littered around her were what appeared to be failed attempts at origami, some random doodles, and some paper airplanes. Evelyn ignored those. Instead, her attention was directed at the clothes on the girl's back. Cafei had never actually washed her clothes since coming aboard. Evelyn's inner clean freak screamed in horror at the realization.

"Hey Cafei," She called.

"Hm?" The girl turned to look at the older woman, a half formed paper ninja throwing star in her hands.

"Why don't you come over here and wash your clothes," She said, "I'm almost done with mine."

"No thanks." She returned to her lop-sided paper star.

Evelyn's eye twitched. She smiled stiffly.

"Come on. You've been here for over a month and you haven't washed your clothes or bathed at all."

"I have _too_!" Cafei objected in mild offense.

"Dangling your feet in the rinsing pool doesn't count," Evelyn retorted. "The filth is probably caked on by now."

Cafei glared at her. "Well _I_ don't have extra clothes to change into. These are my only set."

"So sit around in your underwear for a few minutes then."

"Would _you_ sit around in _your_ underwear?" Cafei retorted getting to her feet and staring down the other woman.

"I do it all the time in the wash racks," Evelyn replied mildly.

"Yeah, but it's _warm _in there."

"You can borrow some of my clothes when they're dry, then."

"Evelyn, there is no way I'd ever fit into those skinny ass jeans of yours. I hate to have to be the one to inform you of this, but you have no ass."

Evelyn gawked resentfully at her. "_What_?"

"Yous gots no boo-teh." Cafei replied and to annunciate her point, she shook her hips.

In the back of her mind, Sideswipe burst out laughing. Evelyn ignored the rumpus bouts of hysteric giggling, shoving down the indignant rage with as much effort as she could muster.

She took a deep breath and waited for the anger to subside.

"Fine," She said restrained, "Don't wash your clothes or clean yourself. But if you get lice, don't come crying to me. I hope Ratchet quarantines you."

"We're in Space," Cafei reminded her. "There's not a flea or tick or creepy crawly thing for light years around."

Evelyn grumbled incoherently and went back to her laundry.

_She can't keep this up for long_, Evelyn thought vindictively to herself. _There has to be a way to get her to wash her clothes…_

'_Y'know, for someone who's always mocking and complaining about Sunny obsessing over his finish_,' Sideswipe mused, '_You kinda act like—_"

_Finish that sentence and I'll be asking _Wheeljack_ about those synthesized tomatoes… _

Sideswipe remained wisely silent.

**Act Two**

"…we have three names actually. A first name, middle name, and last name," Cafei was saying to Bluestreak. The gray Mech was seated near the edge of the rinse pool while Cafei sat on the edge, dangling her bare feet into the water; he and Cafei had been having a run on Q&A about pretty much anything and everything regarding Humans, Earth, and Earth/Human culture and Visa versa. Evelyn, still fuming over earlier events, was gently paddling back and forth across the expansive pool. Her mouth was submerged under the water and she breathed through her nose.

Bluestreak tilted his head in confusion down at the human. "Why do you need _three _names? Isn't one enough? Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Nope," Cafei replied, "Each name kind has a different purpose. I guess. Our first name is our primary name. Like your primary name is Bluestreak. It's what everyone calls you and knows you by, right?"

Bluestreak nodded.

"Yeah. Last names are also called the_ surnames_," Cafei continued. "We get our last names from our Dads. My Dad's last name is the same as mine and my Mom too, but she also has a Maiden name. When she married my Dad, she took his last name."

"So…she has _four_ names?"

Cafei nodded with a laugh. "Yeah, it sounds confusing, I know. But think of a last name like a…label. People with the same last name are generally part of the same family. But not always. You can be related to someone but not share the same name. Like my Aunt and Uncle. We're related but they don't have the same last name as me. Because my Uncle isn't related to me by blood, but my Aunt is. She's my Dad's sister. My Uncle had a different last name so when they got married my Aunt took my Uncle's last name."

"Wait, I'm confused…" Bluestreak said bemusedly, "So…you can be related to someone and share a last name…but also be related to someone who doesn't have the same last name as you…so how do you know who you **are **and** aren't** related to?"

Cafei went silent for a moment, seeming to ponder the question.

She shrugged. "You can't _always_ know. Depends on how big your family is I guess. Middle names are kinda just for decoration. No real purpose to them. Most people's middle names are one of their grandparent's names or an estranged relative. Come to think of it, I guess everyone's probably related to each other one way or another. Kinda funky to think you could potentially marry your third cousin twice removed without even knowing it."

_She talks as much a Blue_, Evelyn thought vehemently.

'_Well_ _aren't you just a bundle of happiness and high grade…_'

_How can she _not_ want to bathe?_ Evelyn thought as she eyed the girl from a distance. _I wouldn't be so surprised about it if she was a _guy_, but I've never known any sane woman who didn't care about hygiene. Even a little._

'_And since when has Cafei ever been considered_ sane?' Sideswipe added.

Evelyn giggled and bubbles broke the surface of the water, tickling her nose and she lifted her head from the water to itch the annoying sensation away.

_Point taken._

'_I don't see why you care so much,_' Sideswipe said, '_If anything, I'd say she's got more sense _not_ to bathe_.'

_You're only saying that because _you_ hate water. Hydrophob. _

'_On the contrary_,' Sideswipe replied, '_I like water very much. In fact, I love it. It's only a problem when I can't reach the bottom and the potential for drowning looms over my head on a constant basis. Can we _please_ get out now?_'

_Nope. Stop _worrying_ already, I'm a good swimmer. We won't drown._

'_Not convinced. You Humans are a slagged up species, you know that? You're all paranoid about all the stupid stuff and them completely ignorant of any real danger. I'm surprised you all haven't wiped yourselves out._'

Evelyn huffed irritably and dove under the water, grinning as Sideswipe hastily retreated to the back of her mind.

_Hey! You put me through more crap then I can or care to count, so swimming lessons are an item way down at the bottom of the _Potential Payback_ list. _

Evelyn broke the surface near the edge of the rinse pool, a stone's throw away from where Bluestreak and Cafei sat, and used one hand to swipe the wet strands of dark hair from her eyes.

_And besides, I—_

An ear splitting scream startled Evelyn out of her thoughts, sending her panicked heart racing up her throat. She thrashed in the water to turn around and see what was happening. She saw Cafei on her feet looking towards the giant shower stalls, heels brushing the very edge of the pool, and pointing to…_something_.

It was small compared to a Mech, but was startlingly huge to a human, as high as a very large dog, but much much wider and bulkier. It squatted on four stout legs that sprouted from a low slung body, a long thin tail extending behind it for a good four feet. Its head turned to peer at them, red eyes glowing.

Evelyn's heart skipped a beat at the sight of the strange thing and she gasped.

_Holy sh—_

Cafei screamed again. "What the hell is _that_?"

Bluestreak, however, did not seem upset in the least.

"Oh," He said with was sounded like mild surprise, gazing at the creature as it sulked across the floor, "It's a turbo-rat."

Cafei ran over to the young gunner and crouched behind his arm that rested casually on the pools edge, leaving just enough room between Blue and the pool for Cafei to hide.

"A _what_?!" Cafei asked, peering hesitantly over the top of Bluestreak's arm that acted very nicely as an impromptu shield.

"A turbo-rat," Bluestreak replied, "Wonder how it got on Met…Could have gotten on board when we stopped at Teyonu 8, I guess, but you'd think Red Alert would have caught it or at least seen it. The site rep didn't say anything about a possible infestation. Then again, turbo-rats are good at hiding."

The turbo-rat turned its head to look at Cafei and she squeaked in alarm, scooting back, closer to the edge. She lost her balance and waved her arms fervently to keep from spilling into the pool, but Bluestreak reached out and steadied her.

Evelyn watched the scene unfold and smirked to herself in inspiration.

_I got an idea._

'_Oh no._'

Bluestreak rumbled-laughed at Cafei. "Don't worry, it's won't hurt you. They're harmless."

"It's a giant metal rat!" Cafei protested. "You can laugh about it! It's tiny compared to you!"

"They're actually pretty friendly," Bluestreak rose from the pool, water dripping plentifully from the various crevasses in his armor, and walked over to the creature. It back up at his approached, but the gray Mech reached out and quickly scooped the little creature up. He turned to show Cafei. "See?"

Mimicking a crocodile with her body completely submerged and only the tip of her head and nose just above water, Evelyn slowly, silently, swam up behind where Cafei stood and reached out of the water for the back of the girl's shorts, grinning mercilessly. Bluestreak noticed her and opened his mouth to say something, but Cafei interrupted.

"If you bring that thing _anywhere_ near me I'm gonna—_**Aieeeee**_!"

Evelyn pulled Cafei into the water and both women disappeared from sight by the resulting slash. Evelyn reappeared at the pools edge, giggling and Cafei broke the surface a moment later, gasping and coughing.

"_What the hell_!" Cafei roared. "You scared the _bajezzus_ outta me! God! What the hell's the matter with you?"

Evelyn laughed. "At least your clothes are clean."

Cafei's face burned red as she glared at Evelyn behind a tangled veil of matted wet hair.

"And I finally got you to take a bath!"

Cafei growled and lunged at the Evelyn, but she pushed off from the pool's edge and swam off, giggling all the way. Cafei's hands clasped empty air and she used the wall to push off after the older woman. She caught up with her after a few strong strokes and reached out to grab Evelyn's hair, but caught her bra clasp instead. Cafei smiled wickedly.

She snapped it open and yanked.

Evelyn screamed in surprise as the garment was pulled away from her. Her hands pulled in to cover herself as her face burned into a deep scarlet. Indignant rage turned her vision red.

Cafei laughed and raised her prize in the air, waving it about teasingly.

"Revenge!" She declared.

"_Cafei_! Give that **back**!" Evelyn yelled, lunging at the girl with one arm still covering her chest. Cafei pulled away, back stroking and kicking as fast as she could away from the enraged professor as she waved the dark colored bra in the open air. "I'm warning you!"

"_Run Run as fast as you can_," Cafei sang, "_You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man_!"

"**Cafei**! I'm going to _kill_ you!"

Bluestreak stood near the shower stalls, turbo-rat still in hand, gazing into the pool at the two humans with bemusement. The Turbo-rat looked up at Bluestreak and squeaked. Bluestreak looked down at the creature and shrugged.

"I know," He said to the metal rat, "I don't understand them much either."

END


	2. Cryptic Messages

Disclaimer:( _See first chapter for full disclaimer and explanation for this insanity_.) That's right. A second chapter. I wonder if Vaeru will get mad at me for essentially hijacking her fan-verse for my own amusement. I don't think Cafei minds me putting her comic self through all this.(puts on helmet and raises shield just in case)

After I did the first one, I was bombarded by millions of cute fuzzy plot bunnies. The bunnies made me do this! They are evil! There may be more to come. I dunno. I need a little break from writing Collateral Damage and this was the perfect thing! I wouldn't call it writer's block, I want to write, just not Collateral Damage. I'm just not feeling motivated to work on CD at the moment. No worries though, I've almost finished writing chapter 47 so updates will be on time. At least for a few weeks.

Notes: Wheeljack is probably going to regret ever making those synthetic paper squares for Evelyn and Cafei.

* * *

_**Cryptic Messages**_

_"If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing."_

-Kingsley Amis

**Act one**

"Now fold the flap over like this…and tuck the tab under the little flap and…wa-la!" Evelyn raised the paper shape, "Instant flapping crane."

Cafei stared gloomily at her own crane; a floppy mess of folded, warn down paper, ripped in some places, and pinched her mouth into a disenchanted frown. "How do you _do_ that? Mine looks more like an abused _turkey_ then a crane."

Cafei and Evelyn sat, with a large stack of paper sheets, atop one of the Medbay tables. Ratchet had left nearly fifteen minutes prior with no explanation (but plenty of heated cursing), leaving Wheeljack to mind the bay. The engineer went about the room and whipped down the tables, returning stray tools to their proper place, and various other tedious odd jobs. Once in a while he would pause to observe the two women, rumble quietly to himself, and resume his work. He disappeared into the back rooms, carrying a container of seemingly random pieces of mechanical paraphernalia.

"It just takes practice," Evelyn replied encouragingly, pulling at the ends of her paper crane, causing the folded paper wings to flap, mimicking flight, "I spent five months pretty much sitting around doing nothing after the wreck, so I've had a long time to practice."

Cafei grunted in resignation and tilted her head to indicate to the expansive room. "Well, I certainly got time to spare."

Evelyn smiled at the girl and reached over to pluck the failed origami from Cafei's hands, staring over the workmanship. "You made all the folds correctly, you just need to fine tune a few things, that's all."

"How do you—"

The Medbay door slid open and Cafei's words were drowned out by shouting and clamoring foot steps. Evelyn and Cafei both watched curiously as the form of Red Alert was pushed roughly into the Medbay by the irate form of Ratchet. Red Alert stumbled gracelessly into the room, but caught himself before his faceplate smashed into the floor.

"Am I going to start having to_ offlining_ you to get you in here for _every_ tune up?" Ratchet growled as he followed in behind the red, black, and white Mech. The doors closed shut behind the medic. Red Alert straightened himself and glared at Ratchet.

"There was no need for you to _shove_ me all the way here, Ratchet," he said crossly, "And I am more then capable of walking through a _door_ on my own."

Ratchet walked up beside the Mech and eyed him contemptuously. "If that's true then why is it that I have to call Ironhide to come haul you out of that little _hole_ you call an office every time you fry your circuits?"

Red Alerts glare increased, optics glowing a pale blue, as he resentfully said, "I did not fry my circuits. It's merely a coding error, one that I am quite able to fix without medical intervention."

Ratchet scoffed. "I'm sure. But you didn't show for your scheduled tune up so while I'm doing _that_, I'll be looking into that so called 'coding error'." Ratchet pointed commandingly toward a table and said, "Sit there and don't move an _increment._"

Wheeljack reemerged from the back rooms and glanced between the two peevish Mechs. Red Alert grumbled his way over to the table and sat down. Ratchet remained motionless while the Mech settled and as soon as he was seated, the medic then turned to the two humans quietly observing from their table on the opposite side of the room.

"Evelyn, Cafei," He called and both women perked up slightly as if to say 'yes?', "Watch him. Call if he moves at all."

Evelyn nodded dubiously, "Uh…ok."

Cafei grinned and saluted, "Aye aye, Captain!"

Red Alert glared at them.

With that, Ratchet walked towards the back of the bay, motioning Wheeljack to follow him, towards the storage area and they disappeared through the doorway. For a long moment Evelyn and Cafei just sat atop their table and stared across the room at Red Alert, who huffed irritably and turned his head away.

"What a grouch," Cafei whispered to Evelyn. Much to their surprise, Red Alert's head snapped around to level a snide glare at them and they both jumped. Cafei whispered in the quietest voice she could muster, "_Geez_, he _heard _that?"

"_Yes_," Red Alert rumbled hotly, "I did."

Evelyn and Cafei exchanged glances, their expressions a mix of nervous disbelief. Evelyn wanted to say something to Cafei, but she didn't want Red Alert to hear her and earn his infallible wrath. She glanced around her and caught sight of the stack of paper. A nonexistent light bulb popped over her head. Smiling to herself, she reached into her pocket for the small pen she had taken from her check book and grabbed a sheet of paper. Tapping Cafei on the shoulder and waiting till she had the girl's attention, she began to write.

-We can write instead of talking. He won't know what we're saying this way.-

Cafei grinned widely and reached for the pen, adding her response.

-Coolies! It's like old school AIM!-

-lol. Yeah, and maybe he won't squish us if he doesn't know what were saying/writing.-

-Yes, me like da 'no squish' part.-

-And since Sideswipe's out like a light for at least anothr hour, we wont have to worry about him snitching on us either.-

-Hallelujah!-

-I wonder why that guy's so uptight all the time. He's scary. oO;-

-Maybe he really did fry his circuts!! X3-

-You mean 'circuits'-

-Yeah yeah, I can't spell. So sue me-

-Tempting-

(sarcasm) Ha ha ha (/sarcasm)

Evelyn laughed out loud and both girls looked up quickly to see if Red Alert had overheard, and if his suspicious staring was any indication, he had.

Cafei tapped Evelyn's shoulder to draw her attention back to the paper.

-I forget his name, what is it?-

-Red Alert. He's the guy who tried to blow you up when you first got here, remember?-

-Oh yeah. That bastard! What does he even do here?-

Evelyn took a moment to consider.

-I think he's the security officer.-

-If he's the one in charge of our safety, then we're in trouble. We gonna die!!!-

-lol. Tell me about it. Every time I've seen him, he's been a real jerk.-

-Le gasp! Maybe he's racist! OwO; -

-Nah, I think he treats everyone like that.-

-But what if he is?! He's prejudice against organics!-

-So…would that make him an organist?-

Cafei snorted and flipped the now full front page of the sheet over before taking the pen from Evelyn to reply.

-It doesn't sound mean enough. How about _humani-phob_?-

-That works. lol.-

-Or we could just call him BMWPP-

-BMWPP?-

-"Bastard Mech With a Personality Problem"-

Evelyn clamped her mouth shut, cutting off the strong urge to laugh, but it came out as a loud snort and she pressed her hands to her mouth to muffle the sound. Cafei sat next to her grinning. Once Evelyn had composed herself, she retrieved the pen from Cafei.

-Ding ding ding, I think we have a winner! XD-

-(bows) Thank you thank you.-

Evelyn took the pen and was about to reply when Ratchet and Wheeljack returned from the storage room. Ratchet carried a strange square electric box, one large hose-type thing issuing out one side while Wheeljack carried a box of assorted tools.

Ratchet placed the box-thing next to Red Alert. "You might want to offline for this."

Red Alert sent a narrowed eyed glare towards Evelyn and Cafei. His systems gave an annoyed rev, "No, thank you. I'll remain online."

Ratchet followed Red Alert's line of sight and glanced at the two humans, who smiled innocently at him when he turned their way. He looked back at Red Alert (still sending the two women suspicious glares) and sighed. "Suit yourself."

The two humans watched, in slight horror, as Ratchet _opened_ Red Alert's chest armor. Beneath the armor plating, was an electrical wonder of color lights, and metal. Evelyn instantly recognized the Spark chamber. Farther up the chest, above Red Alert's Spark casing, was a sort of large electrical port. Into this port, Ratchet put the hose like tube of the electrical box-thing like some macabre jack. Red Alert didn't seem to mind it at all other then what the two suspected might have been some mild form of embarrassment from being 'exposed' to their eyes. Ratchet was looking at the box-thing's screen.

Cafei tapped Evelyn's shoulder and pointed to the paper.

-Should we be looking at him? I mean isn't he technically naked?-

-How can he be naked? They don't wear clothes.-

-Well they have armor, so that's kinda their clothing equivalent doncha think?-

-I'd rather stick with the rationality that they can't get naked. I don't need to anything else to be mortified about.-

-lol. Suit yourself then.-

-And besides, he's a guy. So it wouldn't matter anyway.-

-lol. Mech boobs.-

Evelyn snorted and covered her mouth to muffle the sound. The three Mech glanced their way (Ratchet and Wheeljack curiously, Red Alert angrily).

"What's so funny?" Ratchet asked, one optic squinting in mild suspicion.

Evelyn waved the question away as if to say 'nothing', but recalling that human gestures were unknown to them, she struggled to control her snickering. In between her unsteady giggles, she managed to say "Nothing."

Ratchet didn't seem convinced, but went on with his work nonetheless.

Evelyn grabbed the pen from Cafei and hastily wrote her response.

-Don't make me laugh! They'll catch onto us!-

-Oh alright…………….…MECH BOOBS! XD-

"Stop doing that!" Evelyn told Cafei, laughing and slapping the hand that held the pen. Cafei just laughed, grinning.

"What _are_ you two doing?" Ratchet asked, his voice steadily growing in irritation.

"Hm? What?" Cafei asked innocently as Evelyn struggled to control herself. "Nothing. We're not doing anything."

"Then please be quiet while I'm working." Ratchet rumbled and went back to his work.

Cafei wrote:

-Oooooh, you got in troooouble!-

-Because of you!-

-I plead the 5th.-

-You mean you plead reason of insanity!!-

-That works too. -

-How do I let you get me into these things?-

-Me?! This was YOUR idea, remember?-

-A mere technicality.-

-Well, if I go down I'm taking you with me!-

-How honorable of you.-

-Why thank you grasshopper.-

-Ha ha.-

-Get another piece of paper, we're running out of room-

Evelyn grabbed another sheet and began to write.

-How long are we gonna keep doing this?-

-As long as we like! Besides, it's kinda fun being able to converse w/out anyone knowing what we're talking about.-

-And I don't think anyone on board besides us can read English.-

-So we won't have to destroy the evidence when we're done! XD-

-Total writing freedom!-

-Free at last free at last, god almighty I'm free at last! We could gossip about everyone!-

-I guess we could, but what's to gossip about?-

-Where do I begin?! Let's start with something easy. Red Alert. He needs to take a chill pill! Or two. Or three. Ah screw it he needs the whole damn bottle! Ratchet has the bedside manner of Hannibal Lector, Ironhide sounds like a drunk John Wayne whenever he talks, Prowl has the same range of expression as a potted house plant, Sunstreaker is as cuddly as a PMSing Cobra, and Gears has the most horrendous paint job ever! Talk about fashion disaster! Someone call Stacy and Clinton! He needs help!-

Evelyn lost it. The breath that fueled her laugh exploded past her lips and she doubled over, pressing her forehead to her knees and wrapping her arms around her middle, giggling hysterically. Cafei giggled along, grinning like the Cheshire cat.

"Are _you two_ **finished** yet?" Ratchet snarled impatiently at them. Evelyn looked up and opened her mouth as if to answer him, but she quickly shut it close as another fit of giggles hit her, resulting in a loud, odd sounding snort. Cafei covered her mouth with her hands and shook her head.

"Watch the reader for a click 'Jack," Ratchet said to the engineer, moving away from the electrical box-thing hooked into Red Alert, and striding purposefully towards the girls' table. All laughter abruptly ceased. As the medic neared, Cafei's eye caught onto the sheets of paper. She lunged for them and stuffed them into her shirt. Ratchet's optics narrowed, "Hand them over." He commanded.

Cafei shook her head vigorously _'No!'_.

Ratchet's internal systems gave an annoyed rev and his open hand gestured to her. "I **won't **ask again."

Cafei seemed to weigh her options for a moment before pulling the slightly wrinkled pieces of paper from her shirt and handing them over to the medic who held them delicately between his thumb and forefinger. Cafei scoffed smugly. "Go head, it's not like you can read any of it."

Ratchet glared at her beforelooking down at the tiny sheets with the alien scribbles that made up their written language, and then smirked with inspiration. He logged onto the Officer's comm Channel.

: _Jazz, would you come down to the Medbay for a moment? I'm in need of your literacy skills_. :

* * *

**Act two**

When Bluestreak stopped by the Medbay to pick up Evelyn and Cafei for their 'socialization' time, he found the bay to be completely empty except for Ratchet who was whipping down one of the tables. The medic glanced up when the young gunner entered. "If you're looking for Cafei and Evelyn you can just turn around and leave."

Bluestreak looked on bemusedly and slightly concerned. "Why? What happened? Are they alright? Did something happen?"

Ratchet leaned against the table and regarded Bluestreak, his ever present frown morphing into a smug smile, "No, nothing's wrong. Their perfectly fine. They've just been confined to the bay for the nextOrn."

Bluestreak's optics widened. "Why?"

"For their own protection. Jazz translated a little conversation they had in their written language for me and it leaked out to some of the crew. I've already had both Gears and Sunstreaker storm in here looking for Cafei."

"Hey Blue!" Called a faint voice. Bluestreak turned to look towards the base of the far wall to see Cafei standing in the corner waving at him.

"Face to the wall, young lady," Ratchet admonished to the girl, "You still have another half hour to go."

Cafei scowled at the medic, "This is cruel and unusual punishment! I know my Miranda rights! I want my lawyer!"

"Cafei! Will you shut up already?" Evelyn's voice, slightly muffled, cried out from the other corner. "Your Miranda rights also give you the _right_ to remain SILENT!"

"I won't stand for this injustice!"

"Then sit down!"

"_New rule_," Ratchet snarled, "No talking during time out!"

Both girls groaned and returned their gazed to the corner. Bluestreak looked on, thoroughly bemused. "Why are they standing in the corners though?"

"They're being punished," Ratchet answered simply, "It was obvious our ways of punishing disobedience would be inappropriate, so I chose to adopt a disciplinary method from Earth called _Time Out_." He glanced mildly towards the humans and smirked. "Simplistic, but effective."

"Raaaaaatchet…" Cafei moaned, looking over her shoulder at him and giving him her best puppy-dog eyes and pouting lip. The medic squinted one optic at her.

"Don't '_Ratchet_' me," He told her, "You'll stand there till your time is up."

"But—"

"No exceptions."

"But—"

"No _but'_s either!"

Cafei began hopping up and down impatiently, grabbing and wringing the hem of her shirt, "_But Ratchet_!"

Ratchet gave a low rumble, "_**What**_?"

"I gotta go potty!"

END


	3. Insomniac

Notes: Thanks for all the reviews guys! Much appreciated! I have several chapters in production, so those will be up soon. Please enjoy my silliness. XD

Also: Happy Birthday Vaeru! 

* * *

**Insomniac**

"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."

— George Orwell

* * *

**Act One**

The room was dark save for the cheerily blinking green and yellow key pad mounted beside the door frame of the private room that had been converted into the humans' 'habitat'. The humans in question were in the shallow storage container that also gone under a conversion into a recharge berth, both of them asleep. Well, one of them. Cafei tossed and turned as she struggled to find a comfortable position in which to fall back into blissful slumber. Which was a challenging prospect considering her 'bed' was not a fabric lined cushion like her mattress, but a slab of metal with only a few layers of folded alien towel to cushion her form. The first time she had slept in it, she had awoken the next day, sore and very irritable. If she had not possessed any sympathy for Evelyn before that, she certainly did now. Nothing she did seemed to coax her anxious mind back into the rejuvenating process that was sleep. Whatever the reason, she just _could not_ sleep. Counting sheep? No use, she reached 2,453 before she gave up after loosing count. There was no warm milk to drink, but perhaps that was a good thing; she hated milk. Except on cereal, but all on its lonesome, no way _Jose_. 

With a frustrated sigh, Cafei sat up in bed and glared out into the darkness. Her eyes were drawn to the only visible thing, the key pad. 

_I wonder if Metellus ever sleeps_, she thought inanely. The corners of her mouth twitched in an aborted smile. _I bet he snores. _

And then a sound she was becoming gradually more and more familiar with diverted her attention to the world beyond the giant door; muffled cursing and the _boom boom_ of giant feet. Deciding she was much to alert to even consider the possibility of trying to go back to sleep, Cafei peeled the towel from her body and gingerly stepped over the lip of the box, hoping she did not trip and die. Thanks to the somewhat ingenious design of human eyes, the little to no light provided by the cheerily blinking door frame supplied Cafei with just enough clarity to make out vague shapes and blobs in the room. She could _just_ make out the edge of the table and the outline of the door frame. She pulled her sandals on and walked to the edge. Getting on her hands and knees, she felt around for the ladder down. Her hand smacked painfully into the top rung and she took a moment to nurse it before carefully navigating her way onto the ladder and making her way down to the floor so very far below. At ground level, she could make out a vague line of light under the door; it looked to her like an obscured line of white amongst the dark black. She ambled up to the door way and stared around stupidly. 

"Uh, Met?" She called in a soft voice so as not to wake (or to be caught by) Evelyn. There was no response to her call, not that she really believed there would. Maybe she wasn't talking loud enough, "Can…I go out into the bay?"

Again, there was no response. 

_Maybe he's asleep right _nowShe reasoned before a strange notion formed in her mind. _Or maybe…_

"Um…can I go out into the 'bay…_please_?" 

The door opened obligingly. She grinned before she quickly covered her face with a hand as bright lights assaulted her eyes. _Who knew Met was a stickler for manners, _she mentally giggled.She walked out of the doorway and into the bay, still shielding her eyes. 

"Cafei?" Asked Ratchet's voice; slightly incredulous. She heard him before she saw him, as her vision still blurred due to the abrupt change in lighting. "What are you doing out here? You should be in recharge."

Her eyes finally adjusted and the Medbay visually presented itself. She looked around for the red and white medic and spotted him standing next to a table sorting through a box of mechanical paraphernalia, a small collection of short wires of varying colors in one hand. 

"Couldn't sleep," She replied simply as she walked further into the room. 

Ratchet regarded her for a moment before asking, "Are you malfunctioning?"

She frowned, but quickly erased the expression. He was always asking that. "Nah. Just restless, I guess."

"Is this normal for you?"

"Yeah, insomnia is pretty common for me." She said, nearing the medic. Ratchet put down the bundle of wires, lowering his hand to the floor and she climbed on awkwardly. Evelyn was much better at Mech-climbing then she was, though Cafei tended to take more risks at it. Namely, trying to stand on Bluestreak shoulder…why he was still _moving_. She only had to learn not to do that once, which in the minds of the many Mechs who had been nearby, especially Bluestreak, was a good thing. Cafei still giggled at what Evelyn had said about it afterwards: "_I think you might have scared a couple hundred years off them. Poor__Hound looked like he was having a stroke_…" 

The medic sat her atop the shelf above his work space. She sat on the end, dangling her sandaled feet over the edge. 

"Insomnia…" Ratchet muttered, his optics flickering like a computer modem. He looked at her, "Have you ever sought treatment?"

Cafei's eyebrows arched. "No…why?"

"The article implies that insomnia is a serious defect. If you are suffering from this condition, I should think you would seek medical aid." 

Cafei shrugged indifferently. "_Chronic_ insomnia maybe, but it's not like I don't get _any_ rest. It's just that my sleeping patterns are all screwy. College does that."

"Hm," Ratchet said, returning to his work of sorting through the box. 

"I'd rather have a little _insomnia_ then a little _narcolepsy_," Cafei commented with a smirk, imagining what _hell_ would conspire if she should suddenly fall unconscious. Especially around Ratchet. _Oh_, _that'd be loads o' fun._

"Narco-_what_?" 

"Narcolepsy," She repeated, "It's when you fall asleep, but you have no control over it. Think of it like…if a Mech offlined at random times without a reason. Like a morbid 'on and off' switch."

The medic huffed a laugh, short and humorless.

"If a Mech began to randomly offline, then I would have to check the circuitry in his processor," Ratchet replied, "Something is probably loose and sending signals to the wrong systems."

"That would suck."

"I'm sure it would."

A pause.

"You don't mind if I just hang out here for bit do you?"

"No," He replied, seemed to think better of it and looked up at her. He amended his previous answer before retuning to his task, "As long as you aren't a nuisance and behave yourself."

Cafei smiled, "Oh come on! I always behave…when I'm in grabbing distance."

Ratchet flickered a glance at her, but said nothing. 

A silence fell over the pair during which Ratchet continued to sort through his 'box-O-shit'. Cafei swung her legs back and forth idly, her mind taking the opportunity to ponder about various things that she had thought of since arriving aboard the ship. Without warning, her left sandal flew off her foot when she swung her leg a little too hard and it smacked Ratchet on top of his head before falling. The strap caught the tip of the medic's chevron and the little piece of footwear hung there like a strange Christmas decoration. 

Cafei froze in slight horror, her left foot still extended as if she was in shock. Ratchet lifted his head and glared at her. 

"I _swear_ that was a complete accident!" She pleaded. Ratchet's glare increased and he slowly lifted his hand to his chevron to pick off the human's little foot cover. Holding the sandal delicately between his fingers, he presented it to Cafei wordlessly and she took it back warily, half expecting the medic to suddenly shoot laser beams from him optics. 

"Strike one." He said tersely. 

Cafei nodded sulkily and put her sandal back on. 

* * *

**Act Two **

The Medbay doors slid aside effortlessly with a _woosh_. Ratchet and Cafei both looked up towards the door as a clamor of shuffles, foot steps, and curses filled the previously quiet room. 

"—well if you'da jus' dun wha yer 'er told—"

"—it would have been ten times worse if I'd tried to secure the fraggin' thing while it was in—"

"_Ten times worse_? It's yer own fault it happened at all!"

"Says you." 

"Well, I ain't the Mech with a hole in his foot, am I?" 

Cafei watched curiously as the imposing form of Ironhide strode into the bay, one hand tucked under the arm of the mini-bot Brawn, supporting him, while the other rested on the smaller Mech's shoulder, steering him. Cafei sucked air through her teeth at the sight of Brawn's right foot; the metal was cracked and dented and streams of colorful liquid dripped from the ankle area. Ironhide's red armor was scuffed and dirty as if he'd had been working in a coal mine while Brawn's seemed only slightly dirty. 

Ratchet's inner workings revved moodily, arms cross over his chest, as Ironhide and Brawn entered. "Alright," Ratchet grunted as he walked over to the pair and together, both taller Mechs helped Brawn onto a table. "What happened?"

"Crate of alloy tubes fell on 'is foot." Ironhide rumbled. Cafei laughed, earning a glare from Ratchet.

"Cafei?"

"Yeah?"

"Strike two."

"Aw! C'mon! That's no fair! I call foul!"

"Wanna make it three?"

"You're evil."

Ratchet ignored her. Ironhide stood next to Ratchet, both Mech were looking at Brawn's injury, "The line wasn't secured."

"That's what I was trying to do when it fell!" Brawn grumped, sitting up on his elbows, and winced as Ratchet began to examine his damaged foot.

"Calm down," Ratchet chastised crustily, "It'll hurt more if you keep moving." Obediently, Brawn remained perfectly still. 

Ironhide stepped away, having successfully delivered his charge, to stand near the wall to observe. From her perch Cafei caught the Mech's eye and waved at him sheepishly. The large red Mech turned her way and walked over to stand next to the shelf. 

_I hope he isn't peeved at me too_, She thought worryingly about the translation of her and Evelyn's little conversation that had 'leaked' to the crew. _Yeah right. 'Leaked' my foot.__I smell a rat. And his name is Jazz. _

"So," Ironhide said to her, arms crossed, "Ya got a problem with the way I talk, huh?"

Cafei froze. _Ah shit…_

"Not at all! You make it sound like I was trying to _insult_ you," Cafei laughed nervously. She slowly scooted away from him, hoping he wouldn't notice her pathetic attempt of escape, "It was just an honest observation! Besides, I love John Wayne!"

Ironhide eyed her incredulously.

"I'd _never_ insult you!" Cafei insisted, smiling stiffly, and added belatedly, "I want to _continue_ living." 

Ironhide rumbled with amusement at her and leaned back leisurely against the counter. "Don't worry 'bout it. You have more to be worried about from Gears then me. He holds grudges like no bodies business."

Cafei blanched at the prospect of having a pissed of minibot stalking her, just waiting for the chance at revenge. "_Lovely_…" 

"S'where yer better _behaved_ half?" 

"Evelyn? She's aslee—er…she's recharging," Cafei answered, still imagining the red and blue form of Gears peaking around corners, watching her every movements, and plotting her demise like some robotic alien version of Wiley Coyote. _Meep meep._

"Why aren't you?" Ironhide asked absently. 

"Not tired." Cafei answered as the beginnings of a familiar, annoying, tickling sensation in her sinuses grew. Cafei's face scruched up in preparation for the forthcoming reaction. Ironhide looked at her strangely.

"Somethin' wrong with ya?"

"No, I'm jus….ju…_achoo_!" Cafei covered her mouth with her hands as she sneezed, whipping them on her shirt afterwards. When she looked up, she realized she was suddenly the focus of the room. She blinked. "What?"

Ironhide's optics narrowed. "What was _that_?" 

Cafei frowned. "What? I sneezed." She turned to look at Ratchet. His optics were already flickering. She mentally groaned. _Aaaand here it comes…_

"Are you sick?" Ratchet asked intently. Cafei shook her head. "The humans files indicate 'sneezing' is a symptom of various afflictions. Are you certain you are not ill?"

"No, Ratchet. I'm not si…si..._achoo_!" Cafei sneezed again. She looked at the Mechs all staring at her intently. "Oh for Christ sake! It's nothing! I'm probably just allergic to something in here. Dust maybe."

Ratchet's optics flickered again and he was silent for a few moments, his scowl deepening with every second. Cafei was about to ask what was wrong when she suddenly sneezed again, having only a split second warning to cover her mouth. 

"Do you have any allergies?" Ratchet suddenly asked, optics narrow. 

Cafei shook her head, "Not that I know of."

"What's an allurgi?" Ironhide asked. 

Ratchet answered before Cafei could, "It's an immune system disorder, one four forms of hypersensitivity, where the subject suffers rapid reactions to certain environmental substances called allergens. What puzzles me though, is what kind of allergens would be on board to cause it?" 

"I don't have any allergies!" Cafei insisted.

Ratchet sat his tool down that he'd been using to fix Brawn's foot and approached Cafei. Ironhide scooted aside to allow the medic access to the human. The medic seemed to consider her a while and then glanced sharply at Ironhide. 

"What?"

"You," Ratchet rumbled, "It's **you** that's making her sneeze."

"How can I be makin' 'er sneeze?" Ironhide asked, optics narrowing indignantly. Ratchet reached out and ran a finger through the sooty mess caking the red Mech's armor. Tuning to Cafei, he lifted his finger so the grunge was right near her face. Cafei shied away from the sooty finger, slightly disgusted. 

And then…she sneezed. Hard. "Ow..."

"See?" Ratchet smirked. And then the medic glanced behind him, his optics seeming to point out the vague foot prints on the floor…leading to Ironhide.

Cafei glared at Ratchet, the beginnings of a headache forming in the back of her head from having sneezed a good few times, "You know, as fun as sneezing is, after a few times it starts to suck." 

Ironhide grumbled, looking down at his dirty armor. "So I need a rinse off, big deal." 

"Go wash off," Ratchet told him, "I'll finish fixing Brawn. You can come back when we can see you armor again. If she starts having a serious reaction, of which I have no way to treat, then you will have effectively earned yourself a serious aft-kicking. Now go!"

"But—"

"You. Go. Wash. Now."

Ironhide looked as though he wanted to protest further, but with one glance as Cafei and another at Ratchet (optics narrow and systems revving irritably), he marched petulantly out of the Medbay. 

"I never understood why it's such a hassle to get Ironhide to rinse off once in a while," Brawn commented, "I swear if no one told him to, he'd have dirt caked on him like a second layer of armor."

Ratchet flicked his wrist, retrieving a towel from subspace, and whipped his hand clean. "I believe it." He turned to look at Cafei and noticed she looked as though she was about to sneeze again. But instead of the violent expulsion of irritable particles from her sinuses, she simply yawned. 

"And I believe you've stayed up long enough," He said, depositing the towel on the counter and reaching up to pluck the tiny femme off the shelf. "Back to bed."

Ratchet carried the human back into the private room and gently placed her atop the towels in the mini-recharge berth. He absently scanned the sleeping human, noting her vitals were normal and then checked Cafei for good measure. Evelyn stirred slightly, but otherwise did not wake. As Ratchet left, the door sliding shut behind him, Evelyn turned over to face Cafei as she snuggled back under the covers. Her eyes did not open. 

"Where've you been?" She asked, drunk with sleep, eyes still closed. 

"In the Bay," Cafei replied with a yawn. "I was having trouble sleeping."

"You OK now…?"

"Yeah. Ratchet threatening people made me sleepy."

END

* * *

Author's notes: I dunno why, but whenever my Dad lectures me, I get _really_ sleepy. Sorry for the seemingly abrupt ending, but I had no idea where I was going and I hit a brick wall. I think I might have broken something…_ow_… 

And yeah, I've had sneezing fits that have left me with a huge headache. They no fun. I work in a steel mill in the purchasing department and whenever I go over to the main office to get mail, I always pass some of the mill workers, covered inblack grease, dirt, and soot. Makes me sneeze. Don't ya hate it when you feel like you have to sneeze, but you never do? I always feel deprived afterwards. lol 


	4. Safe Passage

Safe Passage

_**Safe Passage**_

"My favorite drug was acid. Me and my friends would go into the woods and get high because

when you're in the woods you're less likely to run into an _authority figure_.

But we ran into a _bear. _That was even more of a buzz kill."

Mitch Hedburg.

* * *

**Act One**

"Wanna go explore the ship?" Evelyn looked up from laundry to send a bewildered and incredulous look towards the dark burnet before turning back to her clothes.

"Come on!" Cafei pleaded.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Three reasons. One: We'd get lost. Two: If Red Alert caught us we'd be in serious slag—"

'_You said '_slag!' Sideswipe laughed tauntingly.

Evelyn frowned and violently dunked her spare blouse into the water._ Quiet you._

"And three: We'd never make it out of the Medbay."

Cafei shook her head at her, "Oh ye of little faith. As long as you say your _please_ and _thank you_'s, Metellus will let us go wherever we want!"

"_Wha_? How do you know that?"

Cafei looked sheepish, "I've…had some time to experiment."

"We'd never make it out. I think everyone here's learned to take **extra **precaution with you around. I'm actually surprised Ratchet hasn't put you on a leash. You're always making trouble."

"Not on purpose."

Evelyn sent her a look.

"Ok, but no ever gets hurt."

"My point is still valid."

"If I find a way to get us out of the Bay without Ratchet catching us, will you come with me?"

"No way. Well just get in trouble."

"Aw!! C'mon! It'll be fun!"

"**No **Cafei."

"How can you keep saying no? Aren't you at all curious?"

"Of course I am, but I'd rather not piss off the giant metal aliens."

"They'd never do anything…_permanent_. Besides, that 'time-out' stuff was child's play!"

"I'd rather not push it."

"They wouldn't hurt us."

"You say that, but I wonder if you'd retract it if Gears ever caught you alone."

"I amend my previous decree; they would never hurt us (except for Gears…and Sunstreaker…maybe Red Alert, but I think he has more restraint). Besides, Ratchet'd tear 'em apart of they tried anything."

"Ratchet may be careful around us, but he does have limits y'know. And you've been pushing the lid a bit too much."

"Really?" Cafei mused, "I wonder how far it'd take to make him _really_ blow his top _for real_…"

"Oh dear lord, you can't be serious…"

"Come on! Please?"

"I said _no_ and I mean _no_, Cafei. I refuse to be apart of your mischief laden bouts of indiscretion any longer!"

* * *

**Act Two**

_I hate you. I really _really_ hate you. _

'_You've said that before,_' Sideswipe replied indifferently as he walked down the hall way alongside Cafei, having taken hold of Evelyn's body. Evelyn silently fumed, concocting the perfect pay back for when she regained control. It would have to clever, creative, and mean. Very_ very_ mean.

"Where do you think we are?" Cafei asked, unaware of her companion's inner feud that was unfolding. From the hall that housed the labs and Medbay, a right turn took you to the Rec room, so Cafei and Sideswipe decided unanimously to go left.

"Dunno," The rough parody of Evelyn's voice replied. "We'll just have to wait and see."

Cafei had to admit to herself, Metellus was big. Really big. As a Texas native, she was use to giant and over sized things, but Met blew it all away. How could Evelyn _not_ expect her to want to explore it? It'd be like dangling a Snicker's bar in front of a diabetic! Of course having said that, it was unlikely Cafei would have gone if Sideswipe hadn't body-snatched Evelyn in lue of persuading her. Cafei was _all for_ getting into mischief, but there was no joy in it if there wasn't a witness—er, someone to _share_ the experience with. Getting out of the Medbay had been easy enough. (Maybe a bit too easy.) They simply waited until Ratchet went into his office and when they were certain that his attention was diverted elsewhere, they made their escape. Like Cafei had said, say your _please _and_ thank you_'s and Met will let you go anywhere.

"Do we have an escape plan in case we're spotted?" Cafei wondered aloud as the pair (_trio_) ambled down the hallway, keeping close to the base of the wall. They had been walking less then a minute and had not run into anyone and Ratchet had not come storming after them. Though Cafei did wonder how long until he noticed their absence.

"Run like slag?" Sideswipe suggested uselessly.

"Sounds good to me."

'I'm not apart of this.' Evelyn fumed. 'If and _when_ you're caught, I am _not_ defending you.'

'_No one's asking you to.'_ Sideswipe replied.

'Does _Witness for the Prosecution_ mean anything to you?'

Before Sideswipe could answer, Cafei grabbed Evelyn's shoulder, whispering, "You hear that?"

Sideswipe listened and heard a steady rhythm of _klang'_s that slowly grew louder and louder. They were coming towards them from the front. "Foot steps—hide!"

"Where?" Cafei hissed, looking around frantically.

"Back the way we came, there was side corridor round the corner!" The pair pushed and pulled each other frantically as they dashed back the way they had come, to the side corridor. When they reached it, they pressed themselves against the wall, and waited. The foot steps grew louder and louder and they both tensed a little more with each step. They held their breath. A black and white Mech of average height (as far as Mechs seemed to go), wing panels held stiffly erect, marched down the hall with a small stack of data pads clutched under one arm. As Prowl passed by without incident, both Cafei and Sideswipe released their breathes in relief.

"That was a close one." Cafei replied, feeling giddy from the adrenaline pumping through her veins, and still talking in soft tones incase there was a chance Prowl could still hear them. She laughed, "What a rush…"

Sideswipe grinned. "Yeah. C'mon let's go before he comes back."

They peeled themselves from the wall and turned onto the main hall way just in time to see another Mech round the corner, his arms filled with data-pads as well. But it wasn't Prowl. Oh no, that would have been far too merciful. Cafei and Sideswipe started, frozen in mid-step as their organic eyes met Cybertronian optics.

"YOU!" Red Alert cried accusingly, moving his arm to point a finger at them only to return it to grab onto the shifting pile of pads in his arms. "Where is your chaperone?!"

"It was her idea!" Sideswipe cried pointing to Cafei.

"_Huh_?!" Cafei asked indignantly.

"It's her you want!!" Sideswipe pushed Cafei towards Red Alert before running down the adjacent corridor and away from the Mech.

"You traitor!" She cried after him.

"Prowl!" Red Alert called out to the tactician further down the hall. "We have a breech! The organics are loose!"

"Ah shit…" Cafei cursed.

"Stay where you are, Human!" Red Alert ordered. Cafei gave him a look.

"You must be as crazy as you sound!" Cafei dashed between the security Mech's legs and dashed down the hall. With his arms full of data-pads, Red Alert couldn't simply reach down and grab her. By the time he had managed to set them on the floor without damaging them, she was well out of his sights. The security officer fumed, hands clenching until paint shot through the joints.

"Red Alert, what is going on?" Prowl asked, walking up the hallway with wings twitching irritably.

"The humans are loose again!" Red Alert scowled as he whirled around and Prowl's placid expression turn to into a small frown. "Evelyn went down there! The other ran that way."

Prowl's optics flickered and after a moment, his vents hissed in a sigh.

"Very well. I will follow after Evelyn," Prowl said, setting down his pile next to Red's and making his way down the side corridor, "I will leave you to retrieve Cafei."

Red Alert sneered.

"With pleasure."

"That stupid…selfish…traitorous…disembodied _parasite_!" Cafei snarled to herself as she ran full speed down the hall. She held her sandals in her hands, deciding quiet early on that sandals were not the most ideal footwear while running from crazy pissed off robots. She silently giggled in vindictive glee when she recalled that, not only did Sideswipe have to deal with Evelyn (who was likely doing everything she could to slow him down) but he also had to deal with the problem of lighting up on scanners like a roman candle. Cafei grinned in satisfaction. _Thank god for weird energy signatures!_

Slowing her frantic fleeing, Cafei leaned against the wall to catch her breath, chest rising and falling rapidly. She had to have gained some distance by now. How was she ever going to be able to adequately explore the ship if Red Alert chased her through everything? She wouldn't be able to see anything. She just hoped that she didn't run into anyone else.

"What are you doing so far down here?" A voice asked from above her, causing her to jump. Cafei snapped her head up to look into the face of an unknown Mech carrying a large metal box. He was built much like Trailbreaker, with a blue visor and gray facemask and his armor was the same hunter green as Hound's. He sounded curious, but there was a layer of incredulousness coloring his tone.

_I am so busted. _

Cafei gapped as her mind started gibbering nonsensical panic to her. "Uh…I was…running."

The unknown Mech titled his head. "May I ask from _what_?"

Cafei grumbled, "Red Alert."

"Ah, well that explains it," He said with a chuckled, "Well, you might want to be getting on then, I think I hear Red coming up the hall now. I'd recognize that livid pace anywhere."

Cafei stood still, listening to sounds around her to confirm and sure enough, she could hear fast paced Mech-steps growing louder and louder. Cafei grinned up at the green giant, "Uh, wow, thanks mister!"

"My pleasure," The Mech rumbled at her, optics glowing with delight, and he added in a whisper, "Just don't get caught."

Cafei quietly laughed and ran onwards, feeling fairly proud of herself. She scrambled for cover just inside an adjacent corridor to listen. She heard foot steps slow and stop and Red Alert's voice drift down the hall.

"Hoist!" Red Alert's voice asked, sounding thoroughly peeved, "Have you seen one of the organics run by?"

"Can't say that I have, Red," The previously unnamed Mech replied convincingly, "I've been wandering through this corridor all joor repairing the outlets with Grapple. Haven't seen so much as a turbo-rat, sorry."

"Hm," Red Alert rumbled in frustration, "Well, thank you for your help in any case. If you happen to see it, please inform me right away. Oh! And speaking of Turbo-rats, keep an optic on alert one. Bluestreak was harboring it in his quarters a fourth of an orn ago and it escaped from my office several joors ago."

"Will do."

Cafei ran onward, smiling broadly. _Hoist, you are my new favorite Mech! _

**

* * *

**

Act Four

"What if I went under voluntary lock down or something?" Evelyn asked grumpily. She was more then happy to be back in control of her body once more, but she seethed with anger at the fact that once Prowl had caught up with them, Sideswipe had released control and acted as though _he_ was the victim of circumstance. Evelyn was not amused and neither, it seemed, was Prowl.

The Autobot tactician held the irate human in one cupped hand as he sauntered down the hall at a promptly pace. "I am sure Ratchet will think of a suitable solution to your…allocation dilemma."

"I'm perfectly fine with the rules you guys put down! But _every time_ Cafei's mind can't come up with _something_ to distract her, she pulls _me_ into her schemes…" Evelyn said, crossing her arms, "No thanks to Sideswipe. I'm starting to think Sunstreaker had the right idea when he taped her to the ceiling."

Prowl's answer came in the form a noncommittal purr of his engines. He perked up slightly when a message broadcasted over the officer's channel, riddled with static.

: All officers…shzz… please be…shzzz... have— rouge organic…shzz…. : Red Alert sent. : Be on…shzz…lookout. shzz That is all. :

The muddled broadcast ended as abruptly as it began and Red Alert's signature disappeared, leaving the message recipients left to waddle in confusion.

Prowl didn't bother muffling the displeased rumble from escaping him, and Evelyn sent the Mech a confused glance.

: What the frag…? : Ironhide asked over the link.

: _Rouge organics_? : Ratchet sent incredulously. : What is he on about? The humans are right…:

The channel went silent for a moment before a sizzle of static and curses flowed down the line from Ratchet's end.

: I guess that means Evy and Cafei aren't there, then? : Jazz's voice replied, amused.

: Calm down Ratchet, I have Evelyn with me. We are heading to the Medbay as I speak. Red Alert is looking for Cafei :

: Ah, c'mon Prowler. That's just plain cruel…:

: What was with all that static? Red catch a virus or somethin'? : Ironhide asked and added after a moment's pause. : Wait, how'd they even get out? :

: The frag if I know. : Ratchet replied. : They can't even reach half way to the door panels! :

: Maybe Metellus let them out. : Bumblebee contributed.

: Red ain't answerin' my calls.: Jazz said, : Ya think he's tryin' t' give me th' cold shoulder? :

A pause.

:The _what_?: Ironhide asked incredulously.

: Prowl. : Optimus Prime sent over the private comm channel. : What is your understanding of the situation? :

: Red Alert and I were transporting the third- quarter reports when he stumbled across Evelyn and Cafei in the corridor. As far as I can tell from what Evelyn told me, Cafei was the master-mind of the escape. Apparently, she only wanted to explore the ship. According to Evelyn, Sideswipe took control of her and followed along. Evelyn insists she is guiltless in all of this. :

: Perhaps, : Optimus rumbled genially. : In any case, I would like you to return Evelyn to Ratchet and then help Red Alert locate Cafei before things escalate to any further unnecessary heights. :

: Understood, sir. Prowl out. :

There was a moment of blissful silence and then Jazz sent a message over the officers' channel.

: Oh boy…: Jazz sent. : Ratchet you might wanna get down to the Beta-nine corridor. _Quick_…:

: What now? : Ratchet asked darkly.

: I just passed Red and he looks _pissed_. An' he's got sparks shootin' out a' his head like it's the Fourth of July. :

Ironhide's laughter filtered down the line, contrasting darkly against Ratchet's menacing growl.

: _Primus_ not again…:

: What is the 'Fourth of July'? : Optimus asked.

**

* * *

**

Act Five

Cafei skipped along pleasantly, whistling some nameless tune she made up on the spot. She hadn't run into anyone since Hoist, a good ten minutes ago, and she was feeling very proud of herself. The only down side she could work out was that despite the fact that the entire purpose of this excursion was to explore the ship, she found, much to her consternation, that Metellus was in fact very featureless. At least when it came to the hall ways. But she kept that opinion to herself as to not offend the ship. At least she was getting some much needed exercise.

In light of the realization that her exploration would turn out to be quite disappointing if all she did was roam the halls, Cafei decided to try a few doors. She was always careful to listen for any signs of Mechs, placing her ear against the metal and such, before asking Met to open the door. A few doors he refused to open, no matter how much pleading or fancy flattery she used. Most of the doors lead to bare rooms, most of them seemed to be for storage, but all the doors looked exactly the same to her.

She came to one such door and she felt the nagging pull of curiosity as she beheld the giant slab of metal. She walked forward to place an ear to the door. There was a strange sort of noise, like rapid shuffling and other peculiar sounds, but very faint. It wasn't a Mech, she decided almost right away. It seemed far too soft to be anything a Mech was capable of producing.

"Metellus? May I please have a peek inside?" She asked sweetly.

The door remained where it was, colossal and seemingly unmovable. She frowned.

"Aw c'mon!" She pressed her face to the door as if she was hugging it, tracing her finger across the metal in teasing circles and giving her best Oscar worthy pout. "Pretty please with high-grade and sprinkles?"

The door slid aside, admitting her to the dark room.

"Thank you Metellus!" Cafei said appreciatively to the ship. When the door slid away, almost immediately the shuffling and other weird noises increased. The room was speckled in thousands of small, tiny spots of red light. Cafei's smile drained away as she looked onward with a mixed feeling of bemusement and apprehension.

_That looks an awful lot like… _

The room's light flicked on, bathing the room with its luminosity. Cafei blanched.

The room was some sort of closet, filled with boxes of random things that made no sense to her. But that was not what caused her to freeze. Oh no.Turbo-rats, masses of them, crawled around the room, leaving their teeth marks on everything while nibbling and chewing on anything they could reach. They left no surface unscarred or nibbled. When the lights turned on, every one of them turned their homely heads to glance at Cafei, who stood frozen like a statue in the middle of the threshold.

"Oh…my…god…" She breathed.

Suddenly there was a mass exodus as all the turbo-rats scampered off the shelves and walls and floor to stampede towards the open door way…straight at Cafei. The girl shrieked and ducked, covering her head and scrunching here eyes close, all the while mumbling incoherently. There was an overwhelming sense of rushing movement overhead that seemed to last forever with an overlaying roar of squeaks and stamping feet. When the last turbo-rat dashed by her, Cafei raised her head cautiously and looked around, relieved that the giant metal rats did not eat her. Getting to her feet and brushing herself off, Cafei looked around at the utter ruin the space rodents had left. She sighed.

Her relief was short lived however. As a looming shadow cast over her, she turned around with trepidation to see the ominous form of Red Alert towering over her, his face shadowed and his bright white optics leering out at her. From the side of his head, Cafei swore she saw flickers of yellow light, sparks, jet out.

"_Now_ I have you…" Red Alert's optics stared down at Cafei, and then paused to glance up at the small room that had been left in ruin, and then back down at Cafei. The temperature seemed to suddenly drop by several degrees. "What have you done you little _cretin_?"

Red Alert's arms shot out to grab her. Cafei screamed and dodged the groping metal hands, her sandals slipping on the metal floor as she scrambled for freedom. Running in between the Mech's legs, she sprinted down the hallway at a fervor pace, ignoring the pain caused by her sandal straps digging into the sensitive webbing between her toes.

"Get _back here_!" Red Alert roared after her.

"Leave me alone!" Cafei shouted back. "I didn't do it!"

"_**Lies**_!"

"Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?"

"I order you to surrender!"

"Someone get this psycho robot away from me!!"

Cafei slipped as she rounded a corner too fast, but quickly recovered and continued onward in panicked dash. Ahead of her, she caught sight of two familiar Mechs making their way down the hall and an overpowering feeling of '_Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!_' swept over her. Both Optimus Prime and Ratchet paused to send curious, if not peevish, glances towards her.

"Cafei?" Optimus Prime asked as the tiny organic femme scurried over to them. "Where have you—"

"I didn't do it! I didn't do it!" She pleaded and dove behind the Autobot commander's foot. "Save me! He's trying to kill me!"

Optimus peered down at the human. "Who is trying to kill you?"

Just as she was about to answer, Red Alert took the corner, and almost slipped just as Cafei had, snarling as his optics searched for her. Red Alert skidded to a halt before the commander's red and blue frame. Beside Optimus Prime, Ratchet's engines revved angrily and his frown deepened into a foreboding scowl at the state of the Red, white, and Black Mech.

"What the _frag_ have you bee doing Red Alert?" The medic roared optics narrow and leering.

"I have been chasing that _thing_ all around the ship!" Red Alert replied furiously, jabbing an accusatory finger at the little organic taking refuge behind Optimus Prime's foot. Ratchet sent a gimlet glare at Cafei as she ducked behind the metal leg, but his attention returned to Red Alert with a vengeance.

"You've gone and _fried your circuits again_ is what you've done!" Ratchet strode forward and grabbed the Mech's shoulder and shoving him down so as to get a better look at his sparking cranium. "And you're comm uplink is completely melted!"

Red Alert growled and pushed away from the medic.

"I have done no such thing!" He replied indignantly. "I am merely carrying out my assigned duties."

"By driving yourself into stasis lock?" Ratchet roared, grabbing the Mech's shoulder again.

"I must enforce the rules or we would have utter chaos!"

"And how is chasing Cafei around the ship going to accomplish _that_?" The medic snarled, "If anything you've caused more chaos in the last breem then Cafei has the past three joors!"

"She destroyed a storage closet!" Red Alert protested. The medic paused in his fervent examination of the security Mech's head and frowned, optics narrowing.

"She _what_?"

"The closet down the hall is completely ruined no thanks to her!" Red Alert declared, jabbing a finger at Cafei.

Cafei stepped out from behind Optimus Prime's foot and sneered at the Mech. "I _did not_! It was a bunch of turbo-rats!"

Cafei jumped when Ratchet turned to glare her and she quickly dove back behind the Autobot commander's leg.

"Go see for yourselves!" Red Alert yelled. "The evidence is self-explanatory!"

"You're crazy," Cafei told him, twiddling her finger near her ear in a human gesture. "I think you fried a little more then your circuits in there."

Red Alert growled menacingly and lunged at her. Cafei screamed and dove out of the way while Optimus and Ratchet reached out to grab the irate security officer.

"Calm down, Red Alert!" Optimus said sternly, gripping onto each of the Mech shoulders with his large hands. "Control yourself!"

"Don't make me offline you!" Ratchet snarled.

Cafei skidded to a halt when she was certain she was an adequate distance away. _Holy Guacamole, this guy's psycho!_

"You are stone cold fuck nuts!"

"That's enough out of you, fugitive," Ratchet growled at her as struggled to restrain Red Alert. "You're in enough trouble as it is!"

"_Fugitive_?" Cafei gapped indignantly. "I resent that label!"

"All of this is because of your disobedience!" Red Alert growled.

"Disobedience?" Cafei said. "I asked permission!"

"From who?"

"Metellus. He let Evy and I out. I didn't break any rule!"

"You aren't allowed to roam the halls unless accompanied by a responsible Autobot!"

"_Metellus_ is an Autobot, isn't he?" Cafei asked.

Red Alert opened his mouth to argue and then he snapped it closed, his optics squinting in confusion.

_Yay for loop holes!_ Cafei cheered.

Above her, she heard Optimus Prime rumble amusedly. "She does have a point."

"I told you this would end up pissing them off," Evelyn's voice said from behind her. Cafei whirled around to see Prowl lower himself to one knee and place Evelyn upon the floor next to her. The older woman regarded her with a peevish frown. "But of course you never listen to anyone 'cause you as stubborn as a mule."

Prowl stepped over the pair to join his fellows.

"Evy!" Cafei said cheerfully.

"You must be suicidal or something…" Evelyn said with a shake of her head, her hands planted on her hips.

"What do you mean? He tried to kill me!"

Evelyn walked up to the girl, reached out and grabbed her ear. And pulled.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, **ow**!! Let go, let go!"

"Not a chance sweet pea," Evelyn replied. Cafei whimpered as the older woman steered the girl towards the gathered Mechs. Red Alert seemed to have been effectively pacified and was sitting at the base of the wall while Ratchet examined his sparking cranium. Prowl and Optimus stood on either side of the pair. Red Alert glanced over as the humans approached and smirked at the sight of Cafei's status.

Evelyn steered the girl so she stood a few meters in front of Red Alert.

"What do you say?" Evelyn asked Cafei in admonishing tone.

Cafei mumbled something along the lines of 'no way I'm gonna apologize to the psycho-bot'.

Evelyn pulled.

"Ow, ow, ow! Okay, okay!" She conceded. Cafei glared up at Red Alert. "…m'sorry…"

"I don't think he can hear you," Evelyn told her.

"He heard me alri—ow ow ow! Stop pulling! You're gonna rip it off!"

"You get your ear back when Red gets his_ full_ apology."

Cafei growled. "Fine! Red Alert, I'm sorry I broke the rules, snuck out of the Medbay, made you chase me around the ship, and made you break yourself!" Cafei glared at Evelyn, "There! Happy? Now gimme my ear back."

"Good," Evelyn let go of her ear, which Cafei immediately began to nurse. Evelyn turned to Red Alert, "Now what do _you_ say?"

Red Alert gapped. "I do not have to explain myself to the likes of—"

Ratchet pinched a cord in the security officer's helm, causing him to jerk and cry out in pain. "Ah! Watch it in there!"

"Answer her," Ratchet told him and pinched the cord again, causing Red Alert to jerk again. "Well?"

Red Alert grumbled and looked up to Optimus for help. "_Sir_!"

Optimus nodded his head, "Go on and answer, Red Alert."

The Mech looked absolutely stymied and he leveled a glare upon Cafei, who gladly returned it with equal sentiment.

"I apologize for…whatever I am supposed to be apologizing for…"

Cafei mumbled something of an acceptance, which was enough for Evelyn.

"Good," She said deceptively cheerful. "Now don't you both feel better?"

**

* * *

**

Act Six

Blissful silence graced the Medbay and Evelyn reveled in it. She laid on her back looking up at the ceiling, the combination of calming breathes and silence coaxing her loser to sleep. The all too bright lights did their best to spoil her good mood, but utterly failed.

When Ratchet entered to see Evelyn laying atop a Medbay table, blissfully unaware of seemingly anything, he raised an optic ridge. Making his way over to her table, he gazed down at her curiously. "So what did you do with her?"

"What did I do with whom?" Evelyn asked serenely behind closed eyes.

"Cafei."

"What about her?"

Ratchet's curiosity was melting into irritation. "What did you do to punish Cafei? You told me you would take care of it."

Evelyn couldn't mask her smile. "I took inspiration from one of your favorite and most often used threats."

Ratchet blinked and then frowned. "You_ didn't_."

"No," She replied sweetly, "I didn't, but I did the next best thing."

"And what's that?"

"Look up."

Ratchet obediently looked up at the ceiling and his mouth fell open. "…"

"Impressed?" Evelyn asked.

"How did you get her up there?"

"Sunstreaker helped. He still had some tape left from last time."

"Can she breathe?"

"I left her nose uncovered."

"When are you planning on taking her down?"

"When she's learn her lesson."

"And that will that be?"

A pause.

"_Evelyn_?"

"Hm?"

"When are you planning on taking her down?"

Evelyn grinned, propping herself up on her elbows, and glanced at the medic.

"Well, that all depends upon Cafei."

* * *

Author's notes: Geezy Creezy! This was a _loooooong_ chapter. I felt kind bad writing this one. I mean, look at the crap I'm putting poor lil'Cafei through! I hope the real Cafei doesn't sue me for abuse or something. lol. I guess I felt like I kinda jipped you all out on the last one so this one's supposed to make up for it.

The quote I used is from a comedian, the late Mitch Hedburg. I became a (huge) fan of his, unfortunately, several months after he passed away (March of '05) of a drug overdose. The toxicology report said it was a combination of Heroine and Cocaine and that the heart defect he had was not a factor. My friend Laura introduced me to him through one of his quotes, "Hey Peter Frampton, do you like toast too?" that she often spouted during lunch at school and I eventually just looked him up on Youtube. Another of my favorite quotes of his is: "My house is infested with Koala bears; it's the cutest infestation ever. When I turn the lights on a bunch of koala bears scatter. And I'm all like '_Aw c'mon guys, let me just hold one of you_.'". I think Damitri Martin takes inspiration from Hedburg, their styles are very similar. And on a semi-related note, I just bought a pair of rose colored sunglasses. Mitch Hedburg wore rose colored sunglasses when he was on stage because he suffered from bad cases of stage fright and through most of his acts, he looks at the floor. But I think it makes sense to wear sunglasses on stage, so your eyes don't go all screwy from looking into the lights. XD


	5. Stupid Logic

**Author's Notes: **Well, I'm glad you all like this silly story. I still feel kind of guilty for borrowing other people's creations. I feel like I need to be paying some sort of royalty for it. Anyway, this is kind of a random chapter made of the strange things that pop into my head when I'm at work. Lack of sleep + too much coffee + too much creamer + Transformers + boredom Update! lol

Warning: This chapter's content is absurd, completely illogical, and random. The Author is not liable for brain or property damage or loss of logic capabilities, but the copy right holders of the characters present in said chapter are liable for all damage claims and reparations. Mwuahahaha!

* * *

Stupid Logic

"If you're too open minded your brain will fall out."

—Anonymous

* * *

"Hey Evy?"

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did."

"Can I ask you another?"

"Again, you just did."

A pause.

"Can I ask you a _number_ of questions?"

"Depends, how much is a 'number'?"

"Uh…Can I ask you an _undefined_ number of questions?"

"Not if you're going to ask me a _million_ questions. That's too many and would take far too long."

"Well I don't want to ask you a _million_ questions."

"That's not what you said, though."

Cafei sighed.

"Can I ask you an _undefined_ number of questions below a _million_?"

"_999,999_ questions is still a _lot_ of questions. I don't think I could answer that many in one sitting. Even if I tried."

"Fine! Can I ask you an_ undefined _yet _reasonable_ number of questions below a _million _and above _one_?"

"What do you say?"

"…Huh?"

"What do you say?"

A pause.

"Uh…please?"

"Please _what_?"

"May I please ask you an_ undefined _yet _reasonable_ number of questions below a _million _and above _one_?"

"Well not if you're going to take a _tone _with me."

Cafei rallied herself and smiled, asking sweetly, "May I _please_ ask you an_ undefined _yet _reasonable_ number of questions below a _million _and above _one_?"

"Of course you may. Now, what did you want to ask?"

"…Uh…"

"Well?"

"I can't remember what it was I wanted to ask you."

"You should really pay more attention to your surroundings. Someone might try and take advantage of your absent mindedness," Evelyn grinned smugly, "Like Sideswipe."

Cafei blinked and looked at the older woman with narrowing eyes. "…why you parasitic little..."

"What?" The parody of Evelyn asked smugly.

"Sideswipe, you're an _ass_—or _aft_, whatever you find more insulting!"

The older woman grinned. "Guilty as charged."

Author's Notes (part 2): Short and sweet. I was having trouble writing anything so I just did this as a kind of hand me out so you all would forget about me while I struggle to finish the next one. grins


	6. Sports

**Author's notes:** Yay! Another update! Funnily enough, I wrote this based on the quote below. I love Mitch Hedburg. He was one of those great comedians who were taken too early. He had the potential to go so far. I really enjoy his random, silly observational jokes. You don't have to be high to understand his comedic genius! And we lost George Carlin not long ago too. I loved his rants on the 'Seven dirty words' and 'stuff'. "Have you ever noticed how everyone else's stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?" Ha ha! Genius play on words. Love it. The world is a darker place with both of them gone. And now a few words of wisdom: Don't eat with your mouth full. That is all.

* * *

**Sports**

"Y'know, people think I'm into sports just because I'm a man.

I not into sports—I mean, I like Gatorade, but that's 'bout as far as I go….

If I ever had athlete's foot, my first reaction would be '_That's not my fing foot!_'"

—Mitch Hedburg (**Mitch All Together**)

* * *

**Act One**

For as long as he had been given the responsibility of overseeing to the well-being of the two resident organics, Ratchet had come to one conclusion; humans were strange. From their odd insistences that he use their custom of 'knocking' to announce his presence whenever he entered the private room that had been converted for their use, to their bizarrely extreme reluctance to expose any more then 70 of their bodies. Even when asked about the purpose of their 'clothing', neither Evelyn nor Cafei could provide a suitable explanation and none of the reasons provided between the two were consistent with one another, going so far as to try and explain with historical examples which in the end, surmounted to a very confusing conglomerate of facts, most of which neither one was certain were even true. They could not seem to agree on a single reason and Ratchet was left to ponder the paradox of Human clothing on his own. Their final answer essentially boiled down to "Just…_because_," in which they shrugged and left it thusly.

Yes, he decided, humans were indeed very strange little creatures.

And they were endlessly curious about everything and anything; asking questions about the seemingly most mundane things. Sometimes annoyingly so, but Ratchet always took a moment to answer their innocent queries. And in return, whenever he asked a question, even a simple one, both humans seemed to try hard and explain and/or answer in terms he could understand. And if their answers still made no sense, he would consult the human data stored in Metellus's databanks or ask Jazz over the private comms. And if he didn't know, then Ratchet would simply conclude the information was not worth knowing and leave it thusly.

So when he was unpacking a crate of medical supplies, he was not surprised to find both Evelyn and Cafei watching him curiously from their table next to his work station, quietly sitting side by side, as they did whenever he was doing something. He glanced mildly in their direction before returning his attention to the crate. As he pulled out a brand new laser scalpel, a few of the small rubber insulation balls fell onto the counter, bouncing off the surface and then to the floor. He glanced down at the small mess and scowled. _Oh Joy…_

"Hey Doc, what are those?" Cafei asked, pointing to the insulation spheres.

"They look like rubber balls," Evelyn stated.

"That's exactly what they are," Ratchet replied, crouching down to retrieve the wayward objects, and dropping them back into the crate, "We use them to insulate items during transport to prevent damage."

"_O-o-o-oh_. You mean like peanuts?" Cafei asked, tilting her head slightly. It took the medic a long while before he understood the gesture did not hold the same meaning for Humans as it did for Cybertronians; for a human, a head tilt was a motion to convey confusion or curiosity; something that he, ironically, found very confusing. Even more perplexing was when they began to integrate Mech body language with their own, assimilating further into the larger group it seemed, and often ended with sending off mixed signals. The same could be said for the crew, especially Mechs who spent a good amount of time around the femmes, as they began to use more human body language. It was all very taxing. Jazz, for instance, was the worst culprit of what Ratchet had diagnosed as 'cultural cross-contamination'.

Ratchet dipped into the human data and referenced the mentioned item, abruptly frowned. He turned at the dark haired human and gave her an odd look. "No, these are nothing like _peanuts_. For one thing, you could not eat them and I implore you not to try."

Evelyn and Cafei paused for a moment before both laughed, glancing at each other. "Not the _vegetable_," Evelyn replied with a giggle. "Cafei meant _shipping peanuts_. Humans use them as cushions when we ship stuff. They're just small pieces of foam. We only called them _peanuts_ because that's the way they're shaped."

Ratchet was silent for a moment, not quiet understanding why humans would name two very different objects with the same designation. This puzzle only added to his assessment that humans were strange and he pondered if he should write an essay or a thesis of some kind on the very subject. His mouth pinched into an odd frown. "Well then yes, they would be like your 'peanuts', I suppose."

"Can I see one?" Evelyn asked, getting to her feet. Ratchet looked at her for a moment, before reaching back into the crate to pluck one of the rubber spheres and offered it to the human. She reached out and lifted it with both hands, gazing at it with intrigue.

"Looks like the same kind of balls they use in PE," Evelyn said to Cafei, who had also risen to her feet to take a look at the rubber ball. Evelyn weighed the ball by bouncing it ever so lightly in her hands and then turned it over so as to see the entire surface, "Even weighs the same. It's a bit bigger, though."

"Oh! Lemme see," Cafei said eagerly, holding her hands out, and Evelyn handed her the rubber ball. Cafei repeated the same observations as Evelyn, weighing and looking. She gripped the ball and flung it to the ground, catching it as it rebounded off the table's surface, much to the girl's glee.

Ratchet watched skeptical curiosity.

"You know what it looks like to me?" Cafei asked sending a sly glance towards her fellow human.

"What's that?" Evelyn asked warily and actually recoiled slightly.

Cafei grinned wickedly. "A dodge ball."

* * *

**Act Two**

Jazz walked into the Medbay.

"Jazz! Over here! Jazz!" The rapid calling of his name alerted him to the very two organics he had been looking for. Both Evelyn and Cafei were on the floor near the back of the room. Ratchet stood nearby, looking slightly more annoyed then usual. He noted the fact that the floor was covered in insulation balls might have something to do with it. Both humans held one of the aforementioned spheres in their hands. Cafei turned to Evelyn and raised her hand, signaling the other to pause, "Time out Evy, OK?"

Jazz grinned as he approached, carefully footing the rubber balls away to avoid stepping and/or tripping on them that would likely result in an ungracious meeting with the floor. "Hello ladies, hey Ratchet," Jazz greeted them amiably, walking closer. He glanced at the littered floor. "So…what are we doing?"

"Besides pointlessly pelting each other with rubber balls and making a mess?" Ratchet asked him, though it seemed to be more directed at the two tiny femmes.

"We _said_ we'd clean it up," Cafei retorted before turning to Jazz, "We're playing _dodge ball_!"

Jazz grinned and crouched down closer to their level and picking up one of the rubber balls. "Are we now?"

"Yeah, but it's hard to play one-on-one." Evelyn replied, sounding slightly out of breath, but was smiling nonetheless.

Cafei looked at the ball in her hands, mouth pinched in a disappointed frown, "Yeah, it's more of a team sport. We'd ask you guys to play, but…well… sports aren't really Human-Mechs compatible."

Jazz tossed the small rubber sphere between each hand, mulling over the concept and his grin widened when inspiration hit. "Oh, I wouldn't say that," Jazz said slyly, eyeing the rubber sphere thoughtfully, "I think I know a way to make it work."

Above them, Ratchet's engines revved warningly. "Don't you dare, Jazz. There is no way these two are going to be playing this…_game_ around any Mech. They'll get hurt or killed."

Jazz look up at the medic, undaunted. "Don't worry Doc; they won't be in any danger," He said and looked back down at the girls, "We'll just round up some of the guys who're off duty and play a match."

Evelyn looked almost as dubious as Ratchet, but far less vitriol, but Cafei was all grins and giggles. "Hell yes!"

"**No**." Ratchet said flatly.

"Aw _c'mo-o-on_!" Cafei whined, jumping up and down like an impatient toddler. "Jazz _said_ we wouldn't be in any danger!"

"Yeah," Jazz added. "You can even be the referee if you want, Ratch. Just to make sure."

* * *

**Act Three**

"What are we doing here again?" Gears asked, engines revving irritably.

"Jazz said to meet him in the main practice room." Hound replied.

"Did he tell anyone why?" Ask Trailbreaker.

"Nope. Jazz just said to meet 'im here." Bumblebee replied.

"I wish he'd start making sense again," Brawn added. "He's harder to understand sometimes than it is to see Mirage."

The joke fell flat and some Mechs took a small side-step away from him.

"Real funny, guys," Brawn mumbled.

"Well, let's not mutiny just yet guys," Bumblebee said. "Aren't you at all curious what this is about?"

"No…not really." Gears grumbled.

"The message didn't say much. I wonder why he wanted to see all of us. Did anyone ask him?" Bluestreak wondered.

"Nope."

"Negative."

"You don't think this is some kind of a drill do you?"

"Frag, I hope not." Gears moaned.

"Hm. I never noticed this before."

"What?"

"There's a square grid on the ground."

"Well I'll be…there is."

"What's it for, do you think?"

"I haven't the slightest idea."

"It's a drill, I just know it. As soon as I came outta recharge I knew—"

"Mute it Gears."

The doors to the main practice room opened and all of the Mechs turned to look, expecting to see the host of their gathering. Instead, a bright yellow figure tromped through the door, pale eyes glowering out at nothing and everything.

"Who invited _him_?"

"Probably Jazz."

"Or maybe he's just here to rip apart another practice drone."

"Sounds a lot better then drills..."

"I said mute it Gears."

Sunstreaker glared at the gathered Mechs and made a large circle around them, finding a spot near the far wall to lean on. He crossed his arms, glared out from over his chest, and waited.

They all waited.

A breem or so later, much to their relief, the doors opened once again to admit the familiar black and white form of Jazz, followed, surprisingly, by Ratchet and Wheeljack. The engineer carried a container in his arms, Ratchet looked on forebodingly, and sitting atop each of Jazz's shoulders were the humans, Evelyn and Cafei.

"Finally!" Gears grumbled and there was a general chorus of assent. "What took you so slagging long? This better not be a fragging drill or I'm—"

The group reared on the smaller Mech, "_Mute it Gears!_"

"Now now, no need to get nasty fellas," Jazz simply grinned. "Sorry 'bout the wait. Took longer to fabricate the equipment then I thought." The saboteur lowered himself carefully and plucked the humans from his shoulders, setting them on the floor. Several of the gathered Mechs noted that both humans were carrying what looked like…crate insulation?

"Hello everyone," Evelyn greeted.

"Hey guys," Cafei greeted.

Jazz straightened himself and addressed the gathering while both Ratchet and Wheeljack fell in behind him, "I'm sure yer all wonderin' what the frag you're all doin' here, right?"

"_Yes_." Answered the group; some with annoyance coloring their tone, others with curiosity, all impatient.

"Well, Cafei and Evy have been 'round here for a while now, learnin' all about us and such, so we're gonna give 'em a chance to share bit of _their_ culture with _us_," Jazz explained with a wide grin, "Seeing as we all could do with some good ol' culturin' now an' then. _And_, as we've learned, we certainly don't want this one getting' bored…," he gestured towards Cafei, who merely grinned innocently, "…and annoying our beloved CMO to death…" ("_Too late_," Ratchet grumbled) "…They're going to teach us all a human game."

Jazz glanced expectantly down at the two humans, who were all grins, before addressing the others once more.

"And yer _all_ gonna play," Jazz finished. His statement was responded with mixed reaction. While Hound, Bluestreak, and Bumblebee looked interested, the others seemed ready to mutiny. Sunstreaker merely growled and began heading for the exit. Jazz called out to him, "You too, Sunshine!"

Sunstreaker glared menacingly towards the Mech, but didn't say anything.

"Think of it as a training exercise!" Jazz added helpfully.

"And if we refuse?" Gears griped.

Jazz's visor flashed. "Well that would be disobeying a _senior _officer's orders," Jazz pointed out cautiously. "And we all know how prickly Red Alert gets about those kinda things, don't we? He's probably watching us on the security feeds right now." Jazz turned to look towards a corner of the room, where a camera's lens focused in on the group. Jazz waved at it. "Heya Red!"

The room filled with grumbling and muttering and all of them seemed to agree on some level. Trailbreaker shrugged and crossed his arms, looking resigned to his fate, "So then…what do we do?"

Jazz stepped backwards and gestured to the two femmes. "The girls will explain everything to ya."

Cafei stepped up willingly, taking over the explanations. "Alright my good Mechs, the name of the game is _Dodge ball_ and that is, essentially, the whole concept of the game. Dodging balls the other team throws at you and trying your level best not to get hit. We learn this game when we're still in elementary school…"

"—Primary phase of education—" Jazz interjected.

"They teach us a lot of team sports and stuff to help us with our social skills and stuff…" Cafei frowned momentarily, "…which is kinda backwards when you think about the point of the game…" She shrugged, "Anyway. It's a good way to teach fine motor skills. Plus it's really fun."

"And teaches you how to aim," Evelyn contributed. "And duck. Basic idea is you try to strike out the members of the other team."

"With what?" Hound asked.

Evelyn smiled and held up the rubber insulation sphere. "With rubber balls."

"Of course, the ones you guys will be using are size appropriate." Cafei added. She turned to Wheeljack. "Bring out the equipment 'Jack!"

Wheeljack put down the container he'd been carrying and opened it up, revealing it to be filled to the brim with red Mech sized rubber balls. The gathering of Mech stared at the container bemusedly. "Last Mech standing wins it for his team," Evelyn explained.

"We'll split everyone into two teams; four to each team," Cafei said, "We have eight rubber balls. Basically you grab one and throw it at someone on the other team. Like so…."

Cafei turned abruptly to Evelyn and chucked the rubber ball at the older woman. Evelyn yelped in surprise as the rubber sphere smacked her in the shoulder. "Hey!"

"Just like that." Cafei grinned. Evelyn glared at her before hurling her own ball at Cafei in retaliation. Cafei ducked under the flying rubber ball and grinned in victory, pointing to the woman. "Ha ha!"

The ball bounced off of Wheeljack's leg, rebounding back and smacking Cafei in the back of the head, causing her to tumble forward. She caught herself awkwardly and glared at Evelyn. The other human just laughed out loud in sweet revenge while the Mechs around them watched. Gears snickered.

"That doesn't count!" Cafei grumbled indignantly, rubbing the back of her head.

"Why not?" Evelyn asked.

"It hit me in the head!"

"Oh." Evelyn looked stymied. "Yeah well…we weren't playing for real anyway."

"What's wrong with the ball hitting someone in the head?" Hound asked.

"If you throw a ball at someone and it hits them in the head, then you're out," Cafei said, rubbing the back of her head. "But if they try to duck or dodge it and it hits them in the head, then _they_ are out."

"Why?"

"I think they made that rule to keep kids from hurting each other too badly."

"Also, if you throw a ball at someone and they catch it, you're out. And if you get hit but someone on your team catches the ball before it hits the floor you're safe. The ball has to hit you and then hit the floor," Evelyn said. She turned to Cafei, "Did we forget anything?"

"Oh! Barriers!" Cafei said, "If you cross the line into the other team's 'space', you're out too. We've already marked the floor with a grid so you know."

From the back of the group someone made a 'ah-hah' noise, "So that's what it's for."

Bluestreak tilted his head in the human form of the gesture. "That's a lot of rules. I don't think I can remember them all."

"Don't worry, Blue," Evelyn assured, "It's easy once you start playing."

"How do we decide teams?" Trailbreaker asked.

"Cafei and I will choose the teams," Evelyn replied.

"You're not gonna be playing too are you?" Bluestreak asked with concern.

"No," Cafei grumbled, "Ratchet won't let us."

"Slagging right I won't." Ratchet snapped.

"What about you, Jazz?" Hound asked with a grin.

"Are ya kiddin'? A'course I'm playin'!"

"Ok," Evelyn reached into the pocket of her jeans and extracted a small silver coin. She flicked the coin into the air and then caught it, flipping it onto her hand, but keeping it covered. "Call it, Cafei."

Cafei called out, "George Washington!"

Evelyn peeled back her hand to reveal the face of the President and sighed. "Ok, you're first pick."

Cafei turned to the Mech and carefully considered…for about half a second. "Bumblebee!"

To say the group was surprised at Cafei's choice would be an understatement. For a moment, Bumblebee simply stood there and looked around at the Mechs staring back at him.

"Well don't just stand there," Cafei chastised, waving the minibot over, "Come stand over here, Bumbles."

Bumblebee made his way through the crowd and took up a spot behind Cafei. Evelyn stared at the girl for a moment before retuning her attention to the remaining Mechs.

"Um…I choose…" Evelyn glanced at each of the Mech's faces, contemplating her choice. Her eyes caught on a glint of yellow standing in the back of the crowd, scowl firmly in place, and before she could protest the action, the all too familiar sensation of pins-n-needles swept over her. She found herself suddenly commandeered by the voice as the he, through her, called out cheerfully, _"SUNNY!"_

Evelyn was murderous. _Sideswipe!  
_

'_Come on! You can't tell me he wouldn't be good at this game,' _the voice reasoned. _'He's fast.'_

_You should have _asked_!_

'_You wouldn't have chosen him,_' Sideswipe argued. '_You probably would've have picked the rookie_.'

_Yeah, I would. Bluestreak is a _gunner, _remember? He's got the best aim on board!_

A pause.

'…_yeah well…Sunny's still a good choice.'_

_Ass._

When Evelyn returned her attention to reality, she was surprised to see Sunstreaker striding over to her at a pace that told her he really didn't want to be there. She felt very uneasy having the yellow Mech tower behind her as Cafei took her next pick.

"Brawn!" Cafei declared without a moment's hesitation. The Mechs all gave her strange looks, but nevertheless, Brawn ambled over to her and stood beside her first choice. When the stout Mech glanced at Bumblebee, the yellow armored officer just tilted his head in a Mech-shrug.

"Bluestreak!" Evelyn called before Sideswipe could get a chance to sabotage her.

"I choose da Jazz-man!" Cafei announced.

Evelyn glanced between the three remaining Mechs; Trailbreaker, Hound, and Gears.

'_Pick Hound_.' Sideswipe said.

_What about Trailbreaker?_ Evelyn asked.

'_Oh please, He's a big Mech, I think he'll survive if you don't pick him.'_

…_Alright._

"Hound."

For the first time, Cafei hesitated with her choice, but only by a few seconds.

"Trailbreaker!" She chose and turning to Evelyn, she grinned unsympathetically. "That leaves you with Gears."

Gears looked thoroughly unamused and didn't bother to go stand with his team. Cafei stood with Bumblebee, Brawn, Trailbreaker, and Jazz while Evelyn stood with Sunstreaker, Hound, Bluestreak, and Gears (although the latter chose to keep his distance from the conglomerate of players). Somehow, as she surveyed her team, Evelyn had the feeling this wasn't going to end pleasantly.

* * *

**Act Four**

Apposing teams stood in their respective sides while Evelyn and Cafei watched from a safe distance near Ratchet and Wheeljack who stood to the side. Set along the white line in the middle of the field were the three red rubber balls. Each member of the team, except Gears, eyed the tree spheres determinedly.

"Alright! Is everyone ready?" Cafei shouted.

She received several enthusiastic revs in response. Grinning, Cafei raised her hand in the air and brought it down in a quick swipe. "Play ball!"

The air was suddenly alive with stomping feet as Mechs rushed to the center to try and claim one of the three rubber balls before someone from the other side could. Cafei and Evelyn were yelling over the din, shouting encouraging words to their team while booing and trying to goad the other. Cafei cheered when Jazz was the first Mech to claim one of the rubber balls. Evelyn cheered especially when Sunstreaker managed to nab one too and Bluestreak slid to a halt to grab the last one. Trailbreaker remained farther back in his team's side, knowing his bulk was a liability in such a game of speed, while Brawn and Bumblebee flanked out in front of his, ready to catch and dodge. Jazz stood to the front, battle computer running at super sonic speeds to find the easiest target.

Sunstreaker was faster then a blur and a rubber ball came hurtling Jazz's way, missing him by mere millimeters as the saboteur leaped to the side and lost his balanced, toppling over and luckily missing the rubber ball Bluestreak had then thrown. As soon as he landed, Jazz threw his ball. Sunstreaker and Bluestreak leapt away from the flying object. It bounded off of Gears's chest, flying off into the air.

Scowl firmly set, arms cross, Gears stared off and grumbled sarcastically, and without any vocal inflection, "Oh dear. I am out. Woe is me."

And with that, he stalked off the field, passing by Ratchet and Wheeljack, and leaving the practice room. As the ball came flying back down to Earth—er, ship, Bumblebee followed its decent and reached out to catch it.

"Throw it Bee!" Jazz urged as he ducked another shot from Sunstreaker. He was beginning to think the yellow Mech might have it in for him. Grinning to himself, Jazz chuckled. So this was _war_.

Bumblebee look frantic, not quite sure what to do, and seemingly without aiming and without any cognitive thought, the little yellow Mech chucked the rubber sphere as hard as he could towards the other team. Sunstreaker sidestepped out of its path and as the ball bounced back off the floor, Hound caught it. Expertly, he sent it back to the other side with a surprisingly well aimed throw. Brawn scrambled away only to have it bounce off his foot and disturbing his balance, almost sending him toppling to the floor.

"You're out!" Hound yelled to the minibot. On the sidelines Evelyn cheered while Cafei booed and called foul.

"What foul?" Evelyn asked, turning to her. "He got hit, fair and square."

"I call do-over!" Cafei declared, not seeming to have heard the other human.

"_What_? This isn't the fourth grade; you don't get do-over's."

"I'm gonna tell on you. I want my phone call."

Evelyn rolled her eyes. "Cafei, stop being a baby. Besides, who would you going to call?"

Cafei grinned. Oh it was too easy. "Ghostbusters!"

Evelyn covered her eyes as she felt another migraine coming on. "You're insane…."

"Thank you!" Cafei said cheerfully.

"You're welcome…" She mumbled.

Brawn didn't seem too upset with being the first of his team out, but he was quickly joined by Trailbreaker when Bluestreak got his hold on a ball. Instead of leaving like Gears had, the two Mechs decided to help their team and became ball fetchers. While the game had started off with only three, Wheeljack began to feed the game with more and soon there were eight in play, a challenging number to keep track of. So Brawn and Trailbreaker fetched rubber balls to toss to Bumblebee and Jazz as they fended off Sunstreaker, Bluestreak and Hound.

As Bumblebee accepted some ammunition from Brawn, something smacked him in the side of the head, sending error banners flashing across his vision.

"Foul!" Cafei's voice yelled over the din. "Hound, you are OUT!"

When Bumblebee straightened out several jarred programs, he looked over to see Hound leave the field, waving sheepishly at him.

: Sorry about that Bee: The Mech sent over the private channel, chuckling.

: Don't worry about it. No harm done. : The officer replied cheerfully.

: I think I know why Cafei chose you and Brawn now. : Hound said.

: Why's that? :

: You minis are harder to hit. :

Bumblebee laughed. : Being short does have its advantages. :

: And here I was thinking she was just crazy. :

: Hey! Remind me again, who's the one who is out? :

: Point taken. :

And the game went on.

As Bluestreak became more enveloped in the game, his aim was getting better. Both Jazz and Bumblebee found it hard to dodge both Sunstreaker and Bluestreak at the same time and soon Jazz found himself alone on the field of battle after his valiant yellow comrade took a rubber ball to the chest. But Jazz was not one to surrender. Oh no.

Jazz could hear the two human femmes cheering from their spot and he grinned to himself. Taking up a rubber ball, Jazz leapt over one Sunstreaker had thrown his way and hurled his towards the sunshine Mech. Sunstreaker leaned back in a very matrix-like move as he dodged the ball, only for it to hit Bluestreak it his left wing panel as he too tried to dodge.

"Ah!" Bluestreak winced when the sensitive panel was struck, sending sharp twangs through his upper body. Jazz felt a momentary swell of guilt when he realized where the ball had struck the young gunner, well aware of the sensitivity of sensory panels, but quickly recovered when the gunner laughed it off and quickly scrambled to be out of the way of the two remaining titans.

'_At a boy Blue!_ Jazz silently cheered for the younger Mech as he left the field. Jazz glanced back at his opponent who was, likewise, staring intently on him.

And then there were two.

* * *

**Act Five**

"I wish I had my camera," Cafei said with amazement as she watched, wide eyed, at the field. Beside her, Evelyn nodded in complete agreement and with equal astonishment.

"No kidding," She replied. "It's like…like…"

"…robot wars and WWE had a baby and chocked it up on radical amounts of steroids."

"…yeah," Evelyn agreed at length.

On the field, Jazz and Sunstreaker seemed to be utterly encompassed with their one remaining task; knocking the other with a large rubber ball. On either side of their respective territory, their team mates fed their one remaining players with ammunition while cheering and jeering. Both humans sat dumbfounded at the sheer speed at which the two played. Jazz seemed very good at leaping clear out of the way of flying balls while Sunstreaker, always the perfectionist, used his agility, that seemed down right inconceivable for a being his size, and opted for more nimble and showy movements. It was almost as if the yellow Mech was teasing Jazz by allowing the ball to come so close to him, but still manage to dodge it.

"This game is absolutely pointless," Ratchet muttered beside them.

"For someone who's spent the last few months practically _babysitting_ us," Cafei said with without taking her eyes from the field, "You seemed surprised. I would think you'd have realized by now that 'Pointlessness' is a reoccurring theme in Humans."

"I am beginning to see this," Ratchet replied. Beside them, Wheeljack just chuckled.

"I'll tell you one thing though," Evelyn added, "I'm irrefutably thankful I never had to go to school with a thirty foot tall Mech."

Cafei laughed, "I know! Gym class was tough enough without adding in giant metal aliens."

"Actually," Evelyn muttered after some thought, "I don't actually remember ever _enjoying_ it when we playing Dodge ball in school. I was always picked last…and usually first out."

"_Really_?" Cafei asked, seeming astonished. "I loved it! I was always picked first. Always last out too. I am the Queen of dodge ball!"

"Knowing you? I'm not surprised," Evelyn glanced at the field, "Although, I think you've been officially dethroned. How many innocent nerds and slow-pokes have fallen under your aim?"

Cafei grinned evilly; arms crossed regally, "Millions."

"You're such a dictator," Evelyn shook her head, trying to suppress her smile. "I pity the man who falls for you. He'd have to be a masochist or something."

"Hey!"

* * *

**Act Six**

Jazz always enjoyed a good friendly competition, but the seemingly innocent game they ha started was quickly turning into a personal vendetta. The longer the game went on, the harder he pushed himself. He could already feel his energy reserves draining. But he couldn't slow down, not for a moment. As soon as he let up, even a smidgen, that was when Sunstreaker would get him, so he kept his optics trained on the yellow Mech; waiting, watching, hoping for an opening.

Sunstreaker swiftly dodged another shot from Jazz, leaning away from it as it came mere inches from his pristine armor plating. Jazz picked up another ball from Trailbreaker and took up position. Quickly accepting a new round from Bluestreak, Sunstreaker took two long striding steps to the side before hurling the innocent rubber balls towards the saboteur. Jazz's battle computer went haywire and his processor screamed, 'Left! Left! Jump left!'

And he did. He leapt far to his left, missing the oncoming ball, but as he stretched his leg out to catch him, he felt his weight slip and as he was falling, he gripped the ball in his hands and with all his remaining energy, chucked the pathetic ball of rubber for all it's worth towards the yellow mech.

Jazz's optics fritzed when he fell and his vision was obscured by warning banners. In his vulnerable state, he expected to feel a rubber ball careen into him, but no such attack came. Instead, he heard Cafei scream, but he wasn't sure if it was a good scream or a bad one. His vision cleared and he glanced over to see Sunstreaker sulking away, ire practically emanating from him, rising off his armor like heat. Another quick glance over to the sidelines and he saw Cafei jumping up and down, spinning, dancing, and hooting in palpable delight. Beside her, Evelyn looked disheartened.

Laying on his back and looking up towards the ceiling, Jazz came face to face with his team mates; all of whom were grinning down at him. "So," He asked in a tired, worn voice, "Did I win?"

* * *

**Act Seven**

Evelyn was practically pouting, but her disenchanted mood was brought on more from the grumbling curses of Sideswipe as he ranted and raved in her head about cheating and inadequate refereeing. She rubbed at her temples lethargically, knowing she was liable to be hearing his objections for many days to come if not more, and trying to drown him out. As her mind was filled with Sideswipe's laments, her ear drums were assaulted with Cafei's delighted whooping and blatant flaunting of her team's victory.

"_We are the champions_," Cafei sang, dancing around shamelessly, "_No_ _time for losers 'cause we are the champions…of the WORLD!_"

The thrilled art student continued her boasting while dancing circles around the Mech's feet. Ratchet had gone to Jazz's side to see what damage he'd earned himself. As Cafei continued her audacious flaunting, the Mechs around her seemed to be tiring of her cheering and sent her somewhat annoyed glances which were promptly ignored. Ratchet, especially, sent pale optic glances at her, frown seeming to increase more and more into an irritated scowl as the girl continued unabated until finally he seemed to have run off the end of his rope.

"_Cafei_!" He barked. The girl, mid-grapevine, paused and looked over at the medic curiously.

"What?" She asked innocently.

"Strike three!" The Medic barked.

* * *

**Author's notes part 2:** For those of you who wondered whatever happened to _strike three_ from Chapter 3: 'Insomniac'.


End file.
